Feature: How gaming helps with my mental illness

 

Playing videogames is a huge pastime for many gamers across the world.  It’s escapism, a break from our daily routines, a time to kick back and relax in another epic adventure that would never happen in our day-to-day lives.  But for some, it’s more than just a hobby; it’s a way of therapy to help us get through each and every day.

Now of course everyone’s situation will differ from the next person, but in some way or another, I’m sure we can all relate to almost every situation and perspective.  As a man now in my mid-30’s, I’ve been gaming since the 80’s.  In fact the first time I ever played a videogame was on my older brothers Commodore Vic20.  My memory is a little hazy nowadays, but I believe the very first game I had played was called New York Blitz.  A simple game in which you had to drop bombs on buildings below as you pass them by.  My brother never used to let me play on his computer, so I had to sneak a go whenever I could.

Finally as I got a little older, my parents bought me a Spectrum 128k (a James Bond bundle I believe) so that I could do my “homework”.  That may have been their intention, but it never worked out that way.  I was only ever going to use my Spectrum for gaming and nothing else.  My love for gaming started on my brothers Vic20, but this was the start of my passion, love and obsession for gaming.  In truth my Spectrum only lasted a few weeks before it packed in, for which I then had my beloved Commodore 64, which would last me years.

Being a child on the autistic spectrum, I was a very secluded child.  I’ve never been very good at socialising or meeting new people and this has been something that has carried on through to adulthood.  I would spend much of my time in my room gaming and if I wasn’t gaming, I’d be drawing (usually something Batman related) and if I wasn’t drawing, I’d be playing with Lego.  Not much outside my three pastimes peaked my interest.  Being a child who was perhaps a little different (maybe in relation to my autism); I was also a target of local bullies for most of my childhood days.  Which was all the more reason that I spent time in my mancave, or childcave would be more accurate?  I may not have known it back then, but this was possibly the starting point for me using gaming as some kind of security blanket and escapism from the trolls that lurked outside.

But it’s not until my later years that I realised that gaming was so much more than a hobby, it was a something that helped me get through my day and without it, I would have possibly gone into a meltdown (a term used very frequently on the autism spectrum) on a daily basis.  Back in the 80’s and even to an extent, the early 90’s, gaming wasn’t a very socialising experience.  Well for me at least.  It’s hard to imagine how much I would have struggled as a child without my computers and consoles.  Although I was a very isolated child, gaming  was my medication, my therapy, the way I could unwind and forget my daily troubles and not much has changed in that respect, even today.  However in this day and age, it’s a fantastic time to be a gamer.  Not only with the quality of games at hand, but with the added fact that almost every game a social interaction.

Even in my mid-30’s, I struggle with interaction and that includes speaking to people on a headset, which can be incredibly frustrating, especially when gaming with friends is something that I often want to do.  Sometimes anxiety can affect you even if you’re not interacting face-to-face.   If I speak to others online, I like to keep it with people that I have already established a relationship with and for me to break out of this mould, it’s a huge deal.  A way, in which I can sometimes get round this, is by planning some gaming sessions in advance, which isn’t always possible, as it can depend on what others are doing at that time.

Sometimes I think to myself “where would I be without gaming or social media?”  Well, I certainly wouldn’t be writing this article now; wouldn’t have gone to University to achieve a Degree in videogame development and digital media, and I wouldn’t have met the great people through social media, Push-Start and games such as Destiny.  Albeit, I may have not even have met some of my best friends that I see in person as often as possible.  But that doesn’t mean that I don’t value their friendship any more or less, regardless of whether you’re a friend in person or a friend that I have through gaming and social media.

Yes and before you ask, I do have a few friends that I see in person on quite a regular basis and the one thing that arguably bonds us more than anything else, is our love for gaming.  With the exception of WWE and some football conversations, its gaming that really makes us happy and we love sharing our experiences with one another, whenever we get the chance.  On yearly events I can’t wait to meet up with some of my friends through Push-Start, and friends I’ve met  through my Destiny clan are fantastic people that I feel blessed to had shared my Raid and Iron Banner experiences with.  Without our love for gaming, neither of these friendships and experiences would ever have been possible and that’s all down to how social videogames are nowadays and of course with the added importance of social media websites such as Facebook and Twitter.

Aside from having autism, which I genuinely consider as a gift, as it’s a part of me, it’s a huge factor in my personality and I love my somewhat oddball way of thinking.  So in many ways, gaming is not a way of coping with autism, if anything it only enhances my experience as a whole.  So how does gaming help me with my day to day struggles with mental illness?  Well, I won’t go into specifics, but at various points in my life, like many people with severe depression and anxiety, I’ve had to deal with some bad shit.  To quote a popular meme “I’ve seen some shit”.

 

Without gaming those recycled bad thoughts that go through my head on a daily basis would be pushed to the forefront of my mind.  Yet while gaming only pushes them to the back (even on a temporary basis), it helps, it helps more then what I possibly know.  I dread to think how I’d get through my day without my love for gaming.  And as someone that is disabled and unable to work, that free time without gaming could quite easily push me to the brink of insanity, not to mention it helps with my frequent and intense hip pain.

Thankfully, I have an awesome wife and child, and without them I would be truly lost.  But during the times during the day when they’re at work and school, my love for gaming has as much importance to my daily coping mechanism as any medication that could be prescribed by my doctor.  As a mind with no distractions can be your worst enemy.  Gaming has always been there for me from a child, all the way to an adult.  Gaming is my hobby, my passion, whether it’s playing or writing, each is as important as the other.  Gaming has been my way of coping mentally, dealing with pain, making friends and so much more, and with such social phenomenon’s as Facebook, Twitter, PSN, Xbox Live and more recently Pokémon Go; it’s a fantastic time to be a gamer, no matter your mental state.  Much like our loved ones, our passion for gaming will always be with us and no matter how dark your days may seem, our community is always going to be there and our experiences will only get better over time.

If you ever find yourself in that dark place, never be afraid to ask for help or to speak to someone, whether its family, friends, a doctor or someone completely neutral.  People care and so do we.