I’ve learned in life to question everything, no matter how appealing it might be. Because it doesn’t matter if you like something or not, unless you know why. For example, I’ve enjoyed one of the most infamous documentaries in human history, Dream Deceivers, because it showcased that no matter how much human beings care for the ones they love, there is always something much more important than another, living, breathing, person. Whereas Max Payne 3, will always be my favourite game of all time, because it is the best videogame adaptation of Dante Alighieri’s Divine Comedy ever created. And while we are most commonly questioning the appeal of certain creations, there always comes a time where one has to sit down, and question how a product of human labour, such as the ironically titled, Perfect Universe, can be so catastrophically ”imperfect”.

See, when I’ve approached this collection of ”mini-games”, I was expecting nothing, and somehow, I’ve still ended up feeling disappointed. The initial screens, and the launch trailer, looked average at best, as both attempted to promote something that doesn’t look like an enjoyable game, nor is it entertaining in any way, shape or form. Perfect Universe’s bland, 2.5D aesthetic resembles a mid-2000’s online game, the likes of which one could find on NewGrounds, or Kongregate. And what makes it worse, is the fact that the entirety of the product is a host to a handful of models.

There is a human being, an alien like creature, a rocket, and few other miscellaneous objects, that are in-game just for the sake of being there. The developers could have easily gotten away with the simplistic aesthetic, just like other indie developers have done before, however, the animations are so slow and clunky, it feels like all the mini-games take place underwater. And once such are combined with the fact that there are only four, if not less, in the repertoire of the title, it makes you wonder, why couldn’t the developer spend more time on polishing them, as clearly, the rest of this Perfect Universe, is just as lacking, and unsatisfying.

The title itself is a host to three core mini-games. First is a platformer, which has the player traverse the incoherent environments, in search of diamonds, while making sure to avoid numerous buzz-saws scattered around the level. The second mini-game is completely different, and holds no similarities to the previous, as it has the player proceed through poorly designed levels, in search of sticks of dynamite, however, this time instead of jumping from platform to platform with an indistinct human like character, the player is in control of a rocket, and needs to avoid, and you’ve guessed it, buzz-saws. Whereas third and final mini-game, which is a doozy, has the player make his/her way from point A to point B, while collecting maple leafs with something resembling Monster Inc.’s Mike Wazowski, who after a tour in Vietnam had to have both his legs amputated, and due to incorrectly carried out medical procedure, has ended up with his eye split into two, and stuck with super glue on top of his head. In short, all three modes are basically identical, and are equally irritating as they are detestable.

However, if you have not been put off by the previous paragraphs, and are still hot with excitement, to fire yourself into the unforgettable experience, of the Perfect Universe, you should also know that once you’re done with the core mini-games, there is more for you to suffer through. As in addition to the core experience of the Perfect Universe, the title is also a host to multiple sports mini-games, which can be played against AI, or another human being, as the title offers couch co-operation. However, you should also know that playing with another person is not advised, as due to the poor quality, and general discomfort of which the sport mini-games offer, you may end up with a knife stuck in your chest, as a simple game of volleyball can be more painful and enraging, than cutting off your own arm with a butter knife.

Perfect Universe, in its entirety, doesn’t have single redeeming quality, beside the fact that it works, but then, I would argue that such is not positive. It feels like a cheap cash grab, which feels, plays, and looks like a two-bit mobile game, made by someone who treats game development as amateur hobby, rather than a job. It feels like the developer has decided not to shoot for the stars, but instead has taken a shovel, dug a nice deep hole and stayed there instead, while using the head of the space rocket as a hat. Also, Perfect Universe doesn’t have trophy support, which is an absolute joke, especially in 2016.

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